eunice

MY WILLL

2011-08-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

I have thought of writing a will to leave behind juz in case anything happens to me.
Yes, I am miriculously writing in clean english so that any simpleton can read and understand.
So you might wonder why now? Why not when I am older around 60 when I fear of dying then? Yes even right now at 4am in the morning, I am still very clear headed. I don't like to lie as much as white lie could do much better than truth in your face. I mean I at this age already been through quite alot of dark and light times so much that I have a mature thinking of at least 25 years old.
My will is very simple of nature.
Anything that carries a dollar tag will belong to my mother. I am considered quite young so I don't have much cash but if I do, it will all go back to my mother. Next anything I still need to take back should be returned to my family for example money or clothes? I am not too sure what others still owed me. All my soft toys should be sold at their marketprice as I am the only sole owner and there is'nt much reason to keep them since I am gone. The money raised from the toys should then help to cover my funeral.
I don't intend to have a lavish one hence just 3days will do for my loved ones including my family and my friends to send me off on my final journey. My costumes should also be sold off if there is a need and if not should be kept. Things that I intend to give my loved ones are in my drawer that is locked and only accessible by my mother. Inside lies my whole life that I treasured. My acessories should also be returned to my mother.
The only exception is the onyx bracelet that I love to wear to important family functions such as wedding. I would love to give it to my current partner who plays a very big part in my life now. By giving him the onyx bracelet, I hope it will remind him that moving on would be more important as it represents my blessing to him in his future without me.
Another important thing I would like to mention is that I would hope that my facebook account will be deactivated as I do not want to torment those living in shadow of my passing. I would also hope that my blog after taking this will in consideration will be deleted away so as to seal away the memories of me from hurting those living.
I realise i missed out another important part. One of my soft toy will be given to my partner as a respect that he has been through a lot with me in my passion and I wish to thank him with all my heart. The toy is a cinamoroll toy that he caught for me and I hope that by returning that toy, he will learn that I appreciated him very much despite our difference in hobby and interests.
Lastly I would hope that my loved ones will understand that I am sorry that I could not fufil all my promises to be with them no matter what and dreams will always remain as dreams. I love u all and I hope that this will would bring some peace to them.
Eunice Ng Li Juan ( my first will )

love

2011-05-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

love ish juz a lie
i neva neva wanted to use the word again
its so easy to use it and nt keep to it
love was juz a game to mani pple
whether cupid hits u now or ltr

u neva noe if its juz a arrow tipped wif poison
an arrow tht misses its actual target and fell on u
no wat if the cupid hits u but misses him
then wtf..
u like a person who will neva like him

hence my reasoning fr nt believing in a reglion
i dun wana curse a reglion cos
sth happens

alone

2011-05-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

i was meant to be alone frm the start
then why bless mi wif so mani frenz ...
make mi happy then take them away one by one
wats the pt.?

my frenz stand beside mi trying to support mi
but my burden too heavy drag everyone down
i rather suffer it alone
no one else has to be bothered
i shd shd have died
then the pain of being wif mi wldnt exist
the pain of noeing a person like mi
the ridiculous fate playing a fool wif my frenz

i m of no value
im here cos i exist thts all
there was no purpose i failed to find my purpose too
wanted to live fr someone yet
tht someone abandon mi and mani others followed
maybe i wasnt worth it
maybe god wans mi to see him earlier
then why make mi in the 1st place?
dun waste time and hurry up take mi away

i noe my time ish running out somehow i feel it
as days go by, running out of purpose and meaning in life
my heart ached at the past and memories
tht i threw away
tht i left behind
i took up all my strength to move on everyday
but its burning my heart away
the pain ...no one cld understand
the person who claimed cld have understand didnt understand too
if he as a person who suffered the same fate cldnt feel the same pain
then who else cld?

no one...
the ans i reached at

im left alone again wif no one to rely on...

juz a short update

2011-02-08T11:18:00.000-08:00

i noe no one read my blog since i made it private..or maybe nt
wateva it is
im back here again yays~~~ life sux
as usual
im alone again ..
giving pple chances is so hard when in the end the one pained is juz mi
tis time round, its realli stupid
onli to be hurt and yet nt given anything back in return

i tot tht someone will be there but guess i was a fool
my hand keep reaching out for someone real
but all i get is pple who wan mi for their own selfish gains
im a toy tht get played and they re bored wif
then they kick aside and ask mi to get out of their life

wat kind of person am i?
i always tot death was the ans out
then i realise it was always mi who was like death to them
im sth tht pple avoid
i keep crying hoping someone will feel my pain
but nooo i dun wan pple to feel it
i wan someone there to share it
but no one is there when i look ard

im alone as usual
my heart totally crushed
its nt broken anymore
its totally ruined
all the cracks had lead to a crushed heart tht bld non stop
i keep falling for wrong pple
why why?
maybe last time
i did too mani bad things im paying if wif tis life

tis life..pls end it so tht i can feel better

pained of gdbye

2010-12-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

I knew he neva read my blog despite mi reading his blog
guess im silly hoping tht he will read my blog and understand how i feel
my heart still misses mi ..but i no longer wan to use physical to love him
i wan an emotionally fufilling r/s
im now getting to noe another guy ...who ish direct opposite of him
nt bothered of mi and sees frenz more impt than mi

its feeling like i fall for extremes all the times
im nt complaining and its always ended up in 1 sided
love tht ish 1 sided actually hurts the most
and sometimes re reading msges frm the past makes mi so heartbroken
when i wan to delete them, my thumb wld jammed
like as if telling mi tht i shd ctd to hold on..but then my tears drop so fast
tht i cldnt hide it

yet as my tears fall, pple re right
they re juz signs of weakness and nth more
when u do nth bout it, u re still weak stupid and silly
even though so much has happened, i still love him
isit juz mi?
tht my love was so strong yet his was so weak?
i cld forgive him cos i truely love him no matter wat
yet he cldnt forgive mi no matter wat?
then wat re those smses tht promises to be by my side?
wat re those words u promised to mi?

im so tired ..

my life ish over

2010-10-18T05:02:00.000-07:00

I was lamenting bout the fact tht life was so slow
and getting veri sick for mi ..
the truth ish tht i juz didnt wan to let go ..like a fool
hoping for sth to change but nth did

as said by shogun,
im walkin fwd so slowly wif my face facing backwards..
my world started to break apart
even though i tried my best to fill up the empty space wif work
its difficult unless i work FULL shift every single day
which i might start to do soon
then maybe i will be too tired by then

like how i nosebld 2dae
i felt giddy tht a colleque caught hold of my arm and led mi to rest
she tinks tht i might have overpush myself
i told her i didnt and in fact asked to go on which i did eventually
:)
happily working my life away
haha :P

although my god bros re attempting to
meet mi all the time, i noe tht one day they too will be bz wif their lives
to be bothered bout mi
>_<
i feel so bad to ask them out all the time
but we did had much fun all the time
playing darts at 1am was new for mi and so ish taking NR bus

thanks to all those trying to help mi thrgh tis tough time

<3 u all lots

Day1 of work

2010-09-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

I;ve decided to type down my work days everyday so its easier to keep track of wat happened thrghout the day itself
i cant type out whr i work to keep the privacry of the clinic itself
so yah here goes nth
Day1: reached at freaking 8.30+ or so im early by 30mins..cos i woke up at 6.30am means next time juz wake up at 7am
:)
heard a dog barking non stop some whiteXblack medium size dog running all ard..
oh there ish a senior in there by the name of eyonne i hate spelling names
supposed to be one yr my senior i totally no recollection of her..
swt..

there ish another receptionist nt as frenly cant rmb her name
argh but at least she's quite professional
i was standing in the clinic wif nth to do frm 9-10.30 how power ish tht?
i guess they re too bz..
at least by 10.30, a vet tech called Ronald asked mi to help out
he was also the guy tht walked out tails in the morning ard 9am.
he smiled and said hi ..loLs..
Haha anyway

oh b4 tht i shd have stated some sad things i notice.
a Caucasian guy rushed in wif a cat in towel and said emergency to the receptionist
btw at tht pt of time, both vets re booked.
but the receptionist immd told one of the vet to attend to it first..
after 20mins, it was declared dead and the entire waiting rm went silent.
a lady stood beside the guy and cried..holding tightly to the cat.

i felt heartpained even though i neva had a pet cat.
all the ownas in the waiting rm must have felt the same as everyone went quiet
in fact one of the owna even pushed open the door fr her.
i was veri softspoken cos i dun wish to give a bad impression
but the vet techs there re veri frenly helping mi here and there
in fact some saw my scars and i had to lied tht it was due to cats

they believed and smiled
now i wonder how im gonna lie to them bout those on my left arm.
since my formal wear covered them 2dae, i guess im nt bothered tht much
since im going to see a psycharist soon ..
haish im going in alone chances re tht i wont speak at all
= =
LoLs
my supervisor wasnt in so i reported to random vets in the clinc

I learnt alot of new restraint methods and even injection regions/methods..
wah their SC ish realli everywhr one..
most impt i learnt how to do an IV drip properly for the first time
freaking schl has a spoilt one and expects us to do it properly
pui
= = although i nid to comment tht they do nt have enugh drip pump
sth tht controls the drips going into the patient
so interesting how come our schl dun even have..pui X2
must be damn ex since the clinic onli has 2

then i realised tht in the clinc, the vet tech actually noted tht ish a lack of sodium chloride dripw/o the gluocose content
means diabetic patients re in trouble..
o.o
but anyway slashin tht part away,
doing stock up was easy and fun loLs ..
most commmon used needles being 23, 25 and 18G
eh i cant rmb got 21 ma..
= = GG shit..
but i do noe tht syringes re commonly 1,3 and 5 ml

i started off watchin a dental cleaning going on
learn how to identify ginigivitis which ish mild
then scaler and polisher
bella also has a drooling issue
but she ish veri sweet and gentle

next i was introduced to the rest of the staff
unfortunately they can rmb my name but i cant rmb theirs!!! OMG!!~~~
LoLS..
i sux at name rmbing
oh yah..i do rmb the vets surname after getting it wrong once..
dr chan came in much later than dr heng and dr ang
he took on more of the cases in the afternoon

i noticed the layout of the rm was interesting
the front waiting rm cld at most hold onli 6clients or more abit within the clinic
outside there re 4 chairs
i noticed there all clients coming in has to weigh their pets themselves
and it seemed tht then the receptionists will record the weight down
and asked to sign a admission form

then the layout was consultation rm 1 and 2 on the front wif 1 slightly behind
almost same lvl wif the surgery rm but opposite each other
the storage rm ish sandwiched btwn consultation rms
so ish the xray rm
which allows closure by stepping a pedal
its such a long blog ..wow
anyway i like their organisation of cases coming in tht nid surgery done
patient surgery tx vet ACED: pre med KV/P: anaesthetic
PP2- bld test fr liver and kid to test for anaesthetic risk
general calculation
fr drip: 60ml/kg/day might double if nid to for maintenance
FLUTD: due to blockage of urethra
flushing of urethra and drainig bladder
but i do nt understand why sometimes they label the cages in the holding unit
but forgot to label the owna cages..

thts all for now..>_< veri exhausted

no mood at all

2010-09-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

i m losing the mood to do anything
i keep falling aslp while studying thrghout the whole day
other than the fact im tired, the weather ish so nice

i realised im nt even 50% done wif preperation
im so bound to fail tmr paper,
i lost so much time the last wk due to alot of things though i cldnt blame on any of them so now i have to pay back

yah life ish like tht when u nid time, u dun have
when u dun wan time, u have so much tht u do nth but rot
im exhausted trying to struggle frm everything
yet im being pushed rite to the end
life ish so unfair
i tot im ald cursed then i realised its nt tht im cursed
its tht my life was jinxed ever since the start

and yet again my heart ish breaking while typing
i cldnt gather any strength to ctd the conversation
i feel tired..veri tired and yet no one seems to understand
im at the verge of a mental breakdown
but no one seems to care and pple keep rubbing in
wow thanks alot
looks like im fake .. and maybe i realli am

im juz wearing a mask to live on tis life..

life's better w/o mi

2010-08-30T04:47:00.000-07:00

yeah trust mi = =
no one noes tht better than mi
i was silly wishing sth despite wat happened on thurs and
i ald knew tht it wont happen
im juz like a kid
i neva grew out of my pesstimistism

and it juz worsened
sianx
i lose the mood to study
been going out wif nya and eternal so tht they can bring my moodiness away
and thank god it worked
though it taken more time

but still thanks to the silly 2 goons
they make my day
:) thanks to 2 of u though u neva get to read tis post
loLs
blazblue shoot planning on the way
has taken abit more time than expected and
yeah im enjoying every bits since
we re doing it tgt :P

hehe thanks to nya for planning my miku costume too
now i noe wat to get rite after my exams
:P LoLs life still has a bit glimpse of light

curse

2010-08-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

= = im starting to feel tht im realli cursed
i tot to myself tht last time my life was juz dead at least onli i suffer
now im hurting others ard mi
wow .. i srsly sux
now im trapped wif my emotions
and i have to fking study

wow great time choice to quarrel
srsly life dun give any peace to mi
i dun deserve anyone neither do i deserve anything
i shd nt have been positive and tink more fr myself
then no one wld be hurt

i love u but i m sorri i dun derserve u neither am i gd for u
im sorri ..

feverish

2010-08-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

im ald feeing feverish rite now
i have to tahan a headache..im way behind in my studies
cos i dunno how to plan well
all i do ish fucking spent my time online
doin wat?! ..playing pet society toking to pple on msn

= = im losing time.
thank god i m goin overseas so tht i can take break off all these
i can do lots of thinking
and wonder if someone truely loves mi
even though i promise i dun deny the love, there ish a slight doubt
the doubt tht increases every arguement
tht eats into mi everytime i try to be positive

i try to get out of my shell but i got hit back
my cuts on my left wrist ish slightly inflammed
i have to hide it wif my bracelet i juz found
tht i wanted to wear on my and dar first anniversary but
i failed to find it tht time
so im wearin it overseas
lets hope tht i come back in 1 piece though
i m nt sure..

if my love for a person kills the person, then i rather let it go
i rather end it then tis pesron can find a better person to love
a better person who loves him and wont hurt him at all
a person who can help him wheneva he nids
i pray for such a person to exist in his life cos im nt tht person clearly

cuts

2010-08-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

suddenly i add 1 on the wrist and mani more on my rite hands..= =
strangly e one on my wrist doesnt hurt
while the ones on my right hand hurt like crap wheneva i hold things or touch water
interestingly i dun feel pain when i do it
its nt the first time le
crap i left my blog untouched for 30mins cos i was smsin dar
and facebkin at the same time

onli when i felt my pain, did i rmb it
= =
omg i have a feeling wo lao le everywhr also ache..
lies on bed and nua somemore
i dun wan to wake up nua nua nua
i starting to feel childish
swt =-=
sad i no maple story liao
if nt sure play wan
XD

when first love ends

2010-08-07T11:18:00.001-07:00

tis ish the song tht i used to like and i deeply felt it for the first time
the lyrics T-T i cant forget

Hajimete no KISS wa namida no aiji ga shita
----- The first kiss teated like tears
Maru de DRAMA mitai na koi
----- Like love in dramas
Mihakaratta you ni hassha no BELL ga natta
----- As if it was just waiting for the right time, the
----- deaparture bell

Tsumetai fuyo kaze ga hou wo kasumeru
----- A chilly winter wind brushes my cheek
Haita iki de ryoute wo kosutta
----- With a blown breath I rubbed both hands

Machi wa ILLUMINATION mahou wo kaketa mitai
----- The vity is lighted by an illumination, as if
----- magicaly casted
Hadaka no gairoju KIRA-KIRA
----- Naked boulevard trees twinkle

Doushite mo ie nakatta
----- I just couldn't say it
Kono kimochi osaetsuketa
----- My feelings I kept it down
Mae kara kimite ita koto da kara
----- This is what I've been deciding, so
Kore de ii no
----- It's alright
Furimuka nai kara
----- I won't look back, so

Arigatou sayonara
----- Thank you GOOD-BYE
Setsunai kataomoi
----- A bittersweet unrequited love
Ashi wo tome tara omoidashite shimaru
----- If I stop moving now, I might remember our past
Dakara
----- So

Arigatou sayonara
----- Thank you GOOD-BYE
Naitari shinai kara
----- I won't cry and all, so
Sou omotta totan ni fuwari
----- The moment I thought that, softly
Maiorite kuru yuki
----- Snow began to fall flowingly
Furetara okete kieta
----- When I thouched it, it dissolved and
----- disappeared

Ekie to tsuduku oodoori
----- A boulevard that continues to the station
Yorisotteru futari tanoshi sou
----- A couple that nestles close. Appear cheerful
"Hora mite hatsuyuki!"
----- "Hey look, it's the first snow of the season!"
Kimi to anna fuu ni nari takute
----- I wanted to be like that with you

Hajimeta tsukutta
----- I made it for the first time
Teami no MUFFLER
----- A hand-made muffler
Doushitara watase tan darou
----- Waht could I have done to hand it to you?
Ikuji nashi kowakatta dake
----- A coward, I was just scared

Omoide ni naru nara
----- If it's going to become memories
Kono mama de kamawa naitte
----- I can do along with this?
Sore wa honto nano?
----- Is that true?

Arigatou sayonara
----- Thank you GOOD-BYE
Itsukai konna toki ga kita shimau koto
----- Someday the time like this will come
Wakatteta hazu da wa
----- I knew that, right?

Nano ni
----- Yet

Arigatou sayonara?
----- Thank you GOOD-BYE?
Karada da furueteru
----- My body's trembling
Mousugu ressha ga kuru noni
----- Whent the train is coming in any minute
Sore wa ima ni natte
----- It's now
Watashi wo kurushimeru
----- Troubling me

Tsunagaritai
----- "I want us to connect"
Dore hodo negatta darou
----- How much did I desire that
Kono te wa karappo
----- And my hand is empty
Nee sayonaratte kouiu koto?
----- Hey, this is what we call GOOD-BYE?

Ika naku cha
----- I have to go
Sonna no wakatteru
----- I know that
Kimi ga yasashii koton mo shitteru
----- I know that you are sweet too
Dakara
----- So
".... Kono te wo hanashite yo"
----- "... Please let this hand go"

Deaete yokatta
----- I'm happy that we met
Kimi ga suki
----- I love you

Arigatou sayonara
----- Thank you GOOD-BYE
Hitokoto ga ie nai
----- I can't say a single word
Ima dake de ii watashi ni yuuki wo
----- Just for a moment, give me the courage to
----- speak
"Ano ne..."
----- "Hey, umm..."
Ii kaketa kuchibiru
----- The lips that were about to speak
Kimi to no kyori wa zero
----- The distance to you was 0
... Ima dake wa naite ii yo ne
----- ... Can I cry, just for this moment?
Mou kotoba wa iranai
----- There's no need for words anymore
Onegai gyutto shite ite
----- Please, keep holding me tightly

Rainen ni imagoro ni wa
----- Be this time next year
Donna watashi ga ite
----- What sort of me will exist
Donna kimi ga aru no kana
---- What sort of you will existe... I wonder
ripped off frm another blog wif it

a second chance

2010-08-07T11:06:00.000-07:00

i ask myself sometimes
do i deserve a second chance?
most of the time: yes
cos everyone deserves a second chance
no matter how pesstimistic i can be

but does r/s deserve a second chance?
i srsly dunno
being a noob/beginner wateva u call
im scared of being hurt the 2nd time
oh yah im scared of everything so why in the freaking first place, am i in a r/s?
cos i wanted to break out of my comfort zone
and it ended up in a failure
ouch it hurts to say tht but its true

its painful to hold on or let go
haish so mani pple trying to save mi
and yet i keep falling deeper into despair
pple ard mi trying to ask mi out to make mi happy
or even tease mi im so thankful for frenz ard mi
while some goes the extra mile for mi being there wheneva i nid
i accidentally hurt them when i ask them nt to worri all the time

cos im nt worth it = =

the limit is gone

2010-08-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

i lost my limit 2dae
i was too tired to be ctding the quarrel
the more i sms, the more depressed i am
the more tired i become mentally, the more i wan to end it

my life ish breaking apart as much as my heart
diff pple give mi diff advice
maybe its time to give myself a real break
like last time

but if tht happens, then all wld be lost again
its ok ..its gonna be fine
i m still here

understanding?

2010-08-03T08:54:00.000-07:00

all i ask for simply ish understanding?
isit tht freaking hard?
frenz of my age can do it and older somemore ( a person who ish always there for mi even in my darkest time )
why cant certain pple?
maybe it meant tht we re nt meant to be at all?

i dun wan a person who loves but dun understand mi
im trying to understand a person who ish so much more experienced than mi
yet all i do ish hurt the person
maybe its juz mi being the one tht shd have went to hell much earlier
srsly why do things happen to mi but dun take mi away frm earth
= = then maybe all this wldnt happen, someone cld have lived on his life in peace
while pple ard mi dun nid to worry for mi all the time

i shdnt exist in the first place
it's always been tis way since the time im alive
im like a rose whose thorns hurt pple ard mi all the time
no matter how much i wanna minimise the hurt, all i do ish strangle them even more
and one day i will wither away~~~~~~

tired again

2010-08-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

i see tired all the time
its 12 am i cant concentrate on anything
im freaking worried for dar
who didnt reply at all and my hp went anal on mi by offing w/o oning back
= = i dun wan to try oning it anymore

the alarm will hopefully on it tmr
im tired
why do others understand mi so clearly despite mi nt being pushy?
then why do some dun understand mi no matter how much i say?
im munching on tofu which ish filled wif chilli
im literally eatin chili but aint matter
i ald overdose so i shd slp

but wont kill bah
i onli took 3x amt.
so its still quite safe
nvm nt much to blog bout

blanacing life

2010-08-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

Balancing life can be easy for some and hard for some
= = and unfortunately for mine, its tough luck
i always adapt veri slowly to changes in life

and i noe it myself hurhur
balance blancucucu sounding like rima frm shugo chara
HAHAHA sho lame
anyway i duno wat to blog bout
i m abit stone and its 1.17am now
while waitin for dar to finish his long chat wif boss
xD

must be bout 2dae match
darn why didnt i go sad T-T
i was havin fun at arcade jubeating and wanganing my fears away
ok maybe nt fun but at least brings mi away frm the reality
yeah running away seems to be the onli thing i noe how to do

= = anyway time to stop blogging
nid to realli study sooon despite all my worries
tht cause mi to bathe too long
and having rashes again which i overdose myself to counter

lets hope i dun die frm the overdose

time

2010-07-30T10:05:00.001-07:00

i was busi editing my blog here and there
tryin to put music onto my blog without fail
= = swt
haish
nvm topic of the day: time

i realise my time ish getting lesser
realli much lesser than i expected
i dun mean my life span HAHAH unless sth happens
but anyway i meant time for cosplay and studies re shortening
my slp time ate them away MUNCH MUNCH
LOL

yawns maybe it shows my health ish also deteriorating away
no la jkjk im still ok maybe w/o the chest pains wld be gd
hurhur
i was at arcade 2dae wasting my time away since i cant concentrate on my work
i lvl up my jubeat and tried my hand at wangan again
though i lose by -0m WTF
= = kns la.. .. so sad
nvm will train harder when i get my hols xD

time ish losing losing losing away ...~~~~~~ lalalalalal
i go abit siao sometimes too
was tokin to amelia bout some of my cosplay plans and cfm getting eternal his wigs
oh i accompanied my mum to hospital
will noe the results by mon or so
doc claimed tht it wld either be srs or veri srs
both ways re bad T-T haiz i did abit research on jaundice too
plus i studied bout it b4 so i knew some of the problems linked to it

my mum ald started eatin healthily b4 even tis happened
maybe it was abit too late
but at least late than neva as said by someone ( i cant rmb who )
btw we went to eat soup spoon after tht since i didnt eat dinner
which ish ard 9pm enjoyed it veri much
since my mum neva tried b4 plus she loved healthy food
:)
Hehehe
hopes life will get better

cosplay

2010-07-29T09:25:00.001-07:00

I realised i rarely toked bout cosplay on my thread
might as well do so now XD
i started off buying cosplay frm various sources
frm tailorin to even shops
then i slowly learnt how to tailor myself

sewing was hard at first
i either poked myself veri often or lose concentration or even effor to ctd
sometimes it gets frustating when i sew wrongly
then i will do ARGGGGHHHH
oh yah btw i started cos nya pushed mi to
and i neva regret cos i learnt to depend on myself for once

:) of cos i saved much more
and i go for characters tht re simpler of cos
and lesser patterns since my pattern sewing ish still weak
plus i dun like to do sth so consistent
but i love the feeling of creating sth out of my own hands
xD it feels so gd tht i always try to go for harder ones

then things go haywire
haha plus i cant do props veri well so i rely on others again

2dae wasnt a veri gd day
i got 0 for another paper
wow 2 0s in a wk = =
cos i missed both retakes and i deserved itT.T
haish better work harder next wk
if nt realli can go die liao T.T
my pratical was hell 2dae i cldnt do S/C or IP
cfm phail
bad news keep rolling in
haish

srsly... its tiring to keep up wif tis nonsense
my mum juz got jaundice and it might be srs
will be accompanyin her tmr whole day
hopefully she gets better since she going to check up at SGH
oh god pls put all her pain on mi
then let mi suffer since i m always the one causing so much hurt to her
i might be a free thinker but
god pls dun let pple ard mi suffer tis way
thanks amen

reached limit

2010-07-26T09:40:00.000-07:00

im realli tired 2dae
it was bad enugh tht i bear wif the stupid rashes
cos im allergic to cat fur which stuck on my lab coat
making my face and hands inflammed and i m ald feeling horrible
then i tot someone wld make my day

but unfortunately dar made mi felt worsehaish
and i cant concentrate on my work again
im bound to fail
doesnt matter anymore
i no longer care bout my studies le
im trying to change

and i no longer recognise myself
as said by some of my frenz
im off to cry somemore
it aint matter

confused

2010-07-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

im slping alot last few days
but i dunno why i still dun haven enugh energy for the next days
i m feeling dead for no reason T.T
im listenin to R&B songs to cheer up and i tink i sat in front my com too long
even though i knew dar neva like mi listenin to them
but i got influenced by chi chi
my left shoulder ish starting to tense up hurting abit

usually i can study veri well in the nite
nowadays i feel so tired and unmotivated i juz stone
realli stone
dar always asks mi to read and relax but nth ish going into my head
isit tht im starting to lose focus on study?

then wats gonna happen?
tis ish my last semester b4 i face my SIP
i cant afford to lose anymore time and effort
im scared and i no longer noe wat to do
i lost 3 days of schls and miss 3 written tests and 1 interview
im gonna reface them tis coming wk
and i feel im nt prepared at all

i dunnno wat to do anymore im so lost, confused and tired T.T
i keep tinking while bathing
tht my hands started to wrinkle its e same when i swim too long
and the rest of the things i was tinking i ald told dar
so some were being addressed
while others im still tinking abit here and there

goes back to yawning b4 staring at my work

nite pondering

2010-07-16T12:03:00.000-07:00

I wonder if he eva sees tis post.
he's probably struggling to slp and again its my fault.
im so exhausted and im realli sick of myself always hurting him

maybe i dun derserve such a nice guy
i was waken up by a nitemare sadly ..i tot i wld be able to dream since i has such a sweet one last morning
maybe its an omen tht tmr wld be worse.
i realli dun look fwd to tmr and i rmb he said that leave tmr to tmr
dun tink too far and worri for 2dae first

my tears re droppin into my laptop argh takes tissue paper
and i realise my left shoulder chest area hurts again
i dunno when or how i injure tht part
swt= =
fails

i pray for 2dae to be better
if anything, i will post again

raining

2010-07-02T00:42:00.000-07:00

2dae ish the 5th day mi and my dar were officially tgt
we met each other everyday ever since sat :)
its raining rite outside so heavily
as i see the rain falls, i rmb my past times..
past times wherby even if i stand under the huge rain, no one wld be bothered

but now things have changed, i have someone beside mi holding onto my hand
i wish times of being wif him wld neva end
even holding onto his hands made mi felt loved
every moment im wif him, i wish he felt as loved as i am
rite now he's helping his fren set up an exhibition
i wish him all the best and pray for his safety

tiring at times

2010-06-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

I m nt tht willing to pick up writing blogs again

i m always so insensitive and hurt pple who i truely love
and all i do ish say sorri and wateva nt
all i wish ish tht i can realli be the best GF possible
but maybe i m juz wishin too much

yet i try my best to struggle
i cant help but cry every nite wishing tht
it wldnt end up in pieces, my heart ald broken so mani times
if it break once again, i might nt be able to stand up again

someone tries to help mi and all i do is make him more upset and angry

i placed tis private
cos i m realli tired
if i dun say it out,
i might realli do sth stupid

valentine's day

2010-02-08T23:23:00.000-08:00

yea its a day tht every yr i dun realli look fwd..
cos im always single and alone..
:X
but every yr i will always buy roses for frenz and tchers..
i wanted tis yr to be more special
but i cant tink of wat to get for SEED..
and they wan mi go zoo instead
sianx..i dun realli like zoo
if nite safari maybe i reconsider

but wateva it is..
roses re ex when i buy ard tis timing
srew it.. my wallet ald got a hole cos of my cosplay plans
..i cant take it if i have to spent another $50+ on roses alone..
O.O
so how?!
haish..i dunnno..
plus i dunno wat else e others wan too
=X can someone juz enlighten mi
..baking is out of the ans since i cant cook for nutz

ARGH HHHH

reaching my limit again

2010-01-18T07:05:00.000-08:00

seriously i cant take it liao
WHO THE FUCK SAYS THT POLY VERI RELAX damn it!!
T.T
i m damn sick of juggling tests and assignments and projects

i m havin more random chest pain attacks these few days..
its still nt tht bad
but i cant be always left breathless since im alone most of e time..
O.O

so tired
realli goin to bang my head into e wall liao
its getting harder for mi to forget e past as time goes by..
e yr repeats and i find myself stuck and unable to move on
i felt trapped wif no whr to go :(

i cant forgive myself for mani things ..and
wif e workload hanging over, i cld realli see e darkness creeping in
soyb is coming, im nt done wif my costume
and i dun have e time..
i cant ask nya to help mi ..:'(
he ald has his own costume to worry..

i no longer noe wat to do..
how am i gonna live on?

tired

2009-12-06T03:21:00.000-08:00

im reaching e limit ..
o.o i cant understand alot of things when its ald 9hrs b4 my first paper
i shdnt be tinking bout other things
but i cant help it..

i keep reassuring myself ..but its useless
i cant help but cry every nite
its so tiring ( i realli wanna drop dead )
living at 12th floor does give mi e hint to do stupid things sometimes
:P
im so tired siah

pls give mi a reason to live..

i m tired

2009-09-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

again..somehow my posts re always tired..or blah blah
but i m serious
i felt exhausting to keep up my mask im sick of pretending
pretending tht i dunno pretending tht i m nt hurt
pretending tht i dun care
i do care!!!

i m juz...
my spirit has been droppin past this wk..
darn my results re ok then y am i feelin tis way
maybe its e animes tht i been watching tht causes tis
T.T my review of sola is gd but schl days is shit..trust mi..so H la..

.. maybe its cos i cant console my fren so i m feelin tis down
i always feel so useless i cant do anything for her while she sob away
i ..m so sick of myself
its e same as e time during sec 4 ...i cldnt do anything
im so useless..
i dunno wat else to type i hate to be tis way..y cldnt i be more helpful?!

..

2009-09-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have no idea wat to put as title since i going to be slightly random
...
firstly ..wats goin on wif mi now?
:) i juz went to 2 bbq
1 held by my poly clique
and 1 held by my sec 4 class:)

i enjoyed both ALOT!!!
it was realli fun in its own way...
:P i cant help wishing tht time will stop then

my first bbq of e yr was yesterday veri late ard 6....
haiz i tis entire wk was so busi i feel like colapsin soon
i went back ard 11.30pm kena scolding but anyway
4 girls vs 4 guys we took turns cookin
more like e guys re hogging e bbq pit siahave fun wif...

hehe we have 2 goldies,1 cross rottweiler and 1 toy poodle running ard us
begging us for food wif tht cute look in e eyes...
gives up siah...>.< HAHA
..then they also prepared cakes for mi and tricia
M REALLI TOUCHED
THANKZ!!!~~~ oreo cheesecake < gd but i will have to say its nt as gd as hamster one>
we even play forfeit game...
poly pple re realli diff. we re more sporty ..and ya easy to have fun wif

..e forfeits re real scary - dunk head in water
eat leftover, sing loudly in front of house
...

2nd bbq 2dae was more fun in e way tht i m closer to my frenz
WE EVEN DRINK..
we drank anchor, jap beer and other wierd cheapos ... ( haha! )
..we play truth or dare..and drink even more la!!!
OMG!
< mark even took out alochol wif 40% kind one.. = mix tgt wah damn strong >
hopefully i no hangover tml..

..i wanted to say more..but let mi bathe first!!! :X

is sad of life

2009-08-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

i m ald as sick of life as it is liao...
O.O
haiz juz received my 2nd bdae gift

my first bdae gift is frm my lovely clique of frenz hugs ET,EL, popo and chichi of cos
its a pair of mickey and minnie mouse pillows... erm wat e heck do i do wif a pair?
( i do love to keep things in pair though )
smirks..

anyway ..wat is my second bdae gift?
its a cospa k-on mug i love it!!~~ thankz vader - cant hug u siah.. gives melon pan in exchange hehe ...

m lookin fwd to tml :)
2dae was a great day...again spent on toy catching
didnt i swear tht i will stop spending so much..
catch of e day 4 bears wif wings, 2 stitch caps, 1 stitch, 1 dog pencil box to replace my old one
damage taken=$25
darn it...i shd cut off my own hand next time... like how gamblers do so

4 more days to my bdae

2009-08-27T01:26:00.001-07:00

I m resting now..nt feelin too good
achoo : flu and slight cough :
DAMN
my com is finally fixed
hence u see mi more often on sgcafe and facebook haha :)
LOL

AND yes 4 more days to being 18~~~ i wonder wat surprises will i get on mon :P

: i love surprises : last yr bdae celebration was one of my best
i shdnt expect too much tis yr since half of my JC frenz wont be able to even spare
mi 2hrs..
sad T.T

but still i got my poly frenz hugs ... hehe
here re some of my wishlists:

1. at least come see mi on mon la:) dun nid presents also wont die
2. write mi a card will do .. ( i do collect bdae cards - shd have seen my drawers )

Yeah my wishlist is always tht simple - O.O... anyway bdaes re annual
here re some of more on my side wishlists:

1. i wan to pass my papers ( I DUN WAN TO TAKE SUPP PAPERS )
2. i wan to save enugh to buy another cosplay costume - secret at e moment as to which series and which character
3. i wan to be able to cut down on my arcade expenditure - actually i managed to cut back to half my usual spending -
4. i wish someone will sms mi at 12 to wish mi happy bdae ( tis happens every yr - juz diff. pple )
5. i always wish for my 3rs - nt recycle, reduce and reuse : its a secret
HEHE ( i tink onli my close frenz noe wat they stand for )

TML i have one last paper
AND I m still here !! wat the... O.o!
LOL

fed up

2009-08-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

...
darnit i cant edit my blog song nor my theme for now..
i nid to wait till i m realli free...means like ard 3 hrs..
thts how long i used to work on my blog in e past
so guess have to wait for my last paper to finish bah..
:X

i reupdated my facebook profile pic..
:)
thankz to vader... ( vader u didnt tag mi!! )
i juz received back my past few tut. and quizes
fail most of them onli 2 passed... :P
i hate fpath and aimm
these 2 subjects re so random... ( application qns - means if u get it, u get it.
If u DOnt, u WONT )
see wat i meant..

DARNIT i feel like i m studying for no reason
FAINTED
...i enjoyed TCC alot but fell sick halfway thrgh..
nt tht i like to fall sick during events but maybe i juz m unlucky
hence u neva see mi cosplay solo wan...
thankz to vader and my cosplay grping if nt i wld have fainted at e event
O.O its also cos i slept onli 5hrs...e day b4
was mass spamming all my exam papers....w/o fail

im tinkin of doing a masked up character any suggestions?
last time tot of gengar
but darn it how do i go ard cosplayin gengar?
...sianx maybe i shd tink up of other characters hehe
im in schl rite now
HAHA

out...

2009-08-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

as I have promised i will update as long as there is sth to post bout
i noe many pple noe i cosplay especially my sec schl frenz
i noe my poly frenz noe but they dun realli care tht much
http://sgcafe.com/showthread.php?t=56463
tis is whr i stalk every single day...its also my pride since i created tis grping
i m veri happy nonetheless made mani new frenz...
:)
i even had a personal photog ...no la jkjk...
:X

im realli thankful tht i meet such pple online
as u all noe, virtual world is neva safe but somehow i tink its rubbish now
:P
i too joined many other cosplay grpings
made more frenz and felt more at ease compared to how i am in TP
everyday i tink of my cosplay frenz and wonder how re they doing
i no longer feel tht close to my own TP frenz
cos we dun have e same interest we onli shared e same fate of taking the course
but still i will neva EVA forget my sec schl fren :D

anyway lets continue to our main point!!!
2dae is NDP celebratn ( i dun mean in TP la i mean in GMS(S) )-damn irritating wif the extra s.. lOL
in fact if i m nt wrong...i missed my AIMM lec since i went back GMS(S)
ahhh who gives a damn ..i neva regretted doing so though

firstly i met YQ at 7.00 or so ... we re on time..im early hehe
BAKA popo overslept and she was e one who reminded mi nt to overslp yesterday
and LET MI TELL U I SLEPT AT 3AM!!!
..in e end we waited...
saw Mrs ting and mr sophiandy walked past
chatted abit wif mrs ting ( she's as nice as b4 - thank god for tht )
mr sophiandy at least smiled at us doubt he can rmb out names but anyway

saw ET!!!~~~ wah she dressed up again to schl..lol!!!
STOPPPED HER IMMEDIATELy.. haha ...manage to wait till we see popo then ET went to SP
popo insisted to go watch e parade which i find ridiculously boring..
but i was more intent on seeing my old tchers...
of cos e parade consists of her old CCA- band
saw a few more other tchers namely- Cai lao shi, tu lao shi
miss leong ( mrs tan ), mdm sng, mr tay, ms johnson, mr kee, ms ng, mr sen
whom we spoke to for like an hr? maybe less..
his experience re GREAT...and inspired mi much more

HAIZ ...why cant TP lecturers be like them?
diao face
met ruth tooo wah she dressed up tooo....
T.T so pretty desu... ( stupid popo is gona spread rumors of mi having a bf )
im so gonna kill her for tht
too bad she wont be tht free since her A lvls re coming too
WAHAHA !!!~~~
LOL

then i left e schl ard 10?
went to bugis and rot..reallli rot...
i was slping outside kino till chu sms mi
i woke up replied and snooze back :O juz realised i dun give much of a hoot to my surroundings
i sleep openly in tp tooo... but of cos nt lying down
tht is stupid...plain retarded

then went to meet chu, tlr and ken ( sorri for e shortcuts guys )
at iluma ard 12 plus? yea tht was how long i was slpin..
went to play toy catching again and some blazblue
* i m sick of toin bout toy catching since i posted bout it at sgclub..
was complaining bout e uncles
catch of the day includes a pooh bear, stitch tote bag, keychain, rabbit keychain
and a lion caught by chu ..thankz chu :)
oh ya forget to spell out e damage = $38

yup scary rite?!
maybe i shd realli throw away tis hobby of mine b4 it takes my life next
T.T meh my TP frenz dun like it when i hang ard aracade..
maybe its time for mi to realli do sth bout it

oh btw its my bad habit of typing .... behind each sentence
hope readers dun mind
in e end i spent e rest of my $$$ on shana vol. 5 and a venti dark mocha
we studied at starbucks and i cant concentrate bcos ACM HAS NO FKING MAIN POINT!
DAMN MY CP!
his hints re RUBBISH kill mi siah
i was so fed up i went to slp after a while
and trying to motivate e other 3 guys more like they motivate mi siah
FEELS REALLI BAD

after studying for a while, we chatted bout sgcafe, frenz and blah bla blah
....wanted to go watch movie but too late
so end up at iluma toy catching again...
have to say tht tlr luck is damn good PIYO and finishing slayer ending
DARN IT i wanna see noel ending!!!~~
sianx i juz dun have e luck

at ard 10 my mum called askin whether i wan supper so i said yes..
then i freaking forget i told my father i be back by 7 but since he didnt call
i didnt care much
then die lol at 11 he called mi and scoled mi O.o haiz i also dun realli care
anyway its nt like as if i wont come home

i came back home at ard 11.30 kena a big scolding by my father
:P " y u buy so mani toys? y u come back so late? BLAH BLAH BLAH "
exactly like an old man who is drunk and often he is...
both my parents dun even notice i wear dark blue polishes
haiz sianx

i will put up pics of my catch when i more free for now ...i better go rest

back

2009-08-06T03:58:00.000-07:00

yea ...so long neva see mi blog liao...
i will still use singlish but i will type in full sentence
Juz in case some pple canot read my blog.

...
btw 8 more days to my first paper
and 9 more days to my 3rd event TCC !!!
also known as comics con!!!~~ pls go if u like comic!!!
HEHE and come see mi tooo i m going on e 2nd day..

Wat is my first paper?
ITS ACM -animal care and management
i particularly do no like tis subject for mani reasons
firstly, it's boring ..alot of info... no main point...somemore worse
secondly, the tcher teaching tis subject is my careperson
nt saying he's bad but he cant realli teach (his notes re too wordy..)
finally, I neva score veri well for tis subject passing is ald good liao

my second paper is on 21st Aug...yea 1 wk away...
its applied immunology - boring as hell worse than ACM bcos of a certain tcher

e male tcher who is also my lab tcher is so much better....
rather watch e-learning than bother bout going to e-lecture

my onwards paper re much simpler...
ok maybe nt... ( my fav subject is biochemistry )
its easy to study and score bcos my fav tcher is teachin
no la jkjk... but i do like tis tcher
:)
my last paper is abit tougher to study for
but the tcher sometimes can be quite nasty hehe

i more worried for fpath cos its TOTALLY E-learning..
sickening subject

nth to post liao...

some insight

2009-02-27T14:18:00.000-08:00

In case you haven notice
i beginning to type in full sentence ...
rather than singlish
some people find it hard to read my words so ya..
lets hope this helps
anyway lets jump into my next topic
i m not sleeping yet cos there is no point doing so
when leaving three hours more before i eat my breakfast WHAT MAC AGAIN
ya ..
then packing my stuff
today i am going on an outing with my cosplay friends:)
yea first time meeting some of them
and yes one of them is my old mate
hehe
i am starting to indulge myself in cosplay and anime
i made many friends and enemies too
you are going to wonder who the enemies are right?
they are usually people who disagree or outright target me for nothing
believe my aye.. there are people who do such nonsence
oh and i did make friends in poly
though there are old friends who keep bothering me to have a boyfriend
HAHA ..
maybe not right now
when I cant even handle "him"
lets leave love out of this
oh by the way did i mention that i went with my friend to watch marley and me yesterday?
my rating is 7/10
watch but probably not that enjoyably
SPOILERS AHEAD :)
touching but not that badly till it leaves you crying out like a baby
thogh I would hate to admit it got me teary eyed
too bad i didnt cry
haha
summary of the story :
never say lets not have a baby
its gonna kill you be it you being a guy or a girl
dont ever take people for granted
that's all

haiz ...
i dread to retake my papers if i have to
waste time and ya waste effort
ouch lol

frustated

2009-02-02T03:08:00.000-08:00

to tell u e truth ... do u noe when i m on e bus or even mrt???
im dreaming ..i dun mean literally but day-dreaming
and e wierdest dreams pop out
to fall for somebody or to even hate somebody
somehow these feelings become mixed up in mi ....
i dunno isit cos in reality, i neva realli love or hate anyone
or cos i had both feelings which i dun wan to admit
hence i have these wierd dreams
somehow i have tis wierd habit all of a sudden
i keep feeling naseaus when i felt overwhemled by pressure
more likely stress la
i will feel like dying too i have tot of cutting wrists
but tht is stupid cos more than half of e time i dun wear jackets
and its also stupid cos i dun wanna lose blood in self ijury
i m ald losing alot frm scolding e kids in my class
and stressing over the project in my bloody projects
my frenz always say i kena chong
thts cos they re nt doing much
I HATE MY CLIQUE attiitude twds PROJECT
but as much i hate them, they re wat they re
i have to accpet as how they accept mi
i m nt much of a nice person anyway
oh ya for valentine day i be giving roses again!!!
if u wan pls come to mi hugss...

another egg

2009-01-25T05:05:00.000-08:00

since my older one died ouch..

my EGG click pls~

2009-01-16T06:14:00.000-08:00

sth lame but wateva
pls click if nt dragon baby will dieee...

POST

2009-01-10T05:06:00.000-08:00

juz in case u guys neva notice
>my study life has a wierd pattern of UP AND DOWN<
UNFORTUNATELY ITS SUDDEN
hence sometimes I CAN BE FREAKING FREE
and sometimes I CAN BE FREAKING BUSI
yea e life of typical poly students Watever...

JUZ IN CASE SOME PPLE SAY I NEVA UPDATE MY BLOG
i m doing tht rite now
my new yr resoloutions i noe its too late so wat...
FIRSTLY: i wan to plan more cosplay grps after my shana grp
afterall my shana grp nt tht popular but i enjoy being wif my members
note: i probably go into further cosplan plans rite after my shana
an eg. wld be ryou and bear frm clannad
hinnegaku frm hayate no gotoku
and more to come on tis...: tis is whr my pay drops into:

SECONDLY: I wld love to do better in APP no i generally dislike it
due to e overflowing info >when i say overflowing its realli too much>
and yea kena tchers scolding fr tis BLOODY SUBJECT
i onli got 1/4 of 100 ya ...failed damn chiamz
guess i deserve it...
btw somehow i flunked tis suject
my other 3 sujects all hit B+ ... haha
lol fortunately my mom doesnt noe i flunked 1 suject
if nt i wont be alive writing tis post

THIRDLY: i wld wan to learn more bout kids..
cos teaching PRI 2 is A KILL
Y?? cos they screamed at u 5 lines after U SAID 1 LINVE
YEA I M SERIOUS SO DAMN FKING IRRITATING>>>
and my class is like half devil half angels
haiz headache

FOURTHLY: i wld love to spent more skill on my fav and addictive game
JUBEAT IT ROX MAN!!!
even sarah is like wow so nice tht kind hehe
of cos EL as usual is saying eunice is so bian tai pervert in another words...
... hehe

FIFTLY: i wanna be strong
I DUN MEAN PYSICALLY
i meant emotionally
i been on a crying streak last yr ... lots of reasons wont say le
AND yes pls AXE e o lvls reasons tht is crap mah... >>>
its sth else... i wont say y though..

SIXLY: i wanna make my own cosplay costume ...
but i dun have e time and money to try
yea...lol ...
we see how la....

and then next time ...
maybe i will post more things here

BTW juz now i went to PS
to play jubeat
on e way i saw MRS Loh frm sec schl wan
teach us chem de... its my second time le
i saw her yesterdae
so qiao i see her 2dae again :)
we talked on e way to mrt stn ....:P
erm our contents .
let mi keep it as a secret hehe

OFF>>

i nt free

2008-11-26T22:39:00.000-08:00

hi pple!!!~~~ i m nt free currently
and PLS TAKE NOTE!!!~~`
THERE WILL NT BE A CLASS CHALET TIS YR
due to lots of reasons pls do nt ask!!~~~

anyway i tot i shd post some more obvious reasons
timing clashes
look we have poly and JC pple here!!~~~ u cant expect us to meet all e time u noe
futhermore some of us re working...
wanna kill them rite hahah
and we dun have enugh time to do tht unless
I have term break or sem break .... or JC got break
but cant rely on them after all they re always studying

NT GENERALIising la!!~~`
but anyway it aint matter...

class gathering?

2008-10-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

i m nt sure bout tis
i heard frm one of my spies no la jkjk
anyway she will noe who she is though she rarely reads my blog
haha now i tink all of u re guessing liao
nvm

btw it was supposed to be on 14th Nov
such a bad date as my events all crashed in suc la!!!~~~
lol for JCians can still change
we polyians how to??? go schl siah!!!
so sad rite
such a sad life GO DIE!!!~~~~~
lol

nid sb who can kindly go along wif mi to hunt for cosplay materials

yo pple

2008-10-28T00:46:00.001-07:00

i be busi nowadaes
pls do nt flood my tag box i mean it
lol >.<
anyway i be promoting AFA it will be on 22 and 23 Nov ....
pls come i be there frm 7.30 to ard late afternoon
do look out for mi
tis time round e event will include akiba town
which is of cos e highlight to mi
do come weee!!!~~~~~~

btw i be may be cosplaying on tht dae
hurhur ....if wanna see mi come la!!!~~~~
ok maybe i wont cosplay time limit la
stupid hw so mani
somemore got labwork wa lao
by the time i finish hw
i m going to faint siah
maybe i can dress abe as vampire knight uni woots
haha

busi now..!!~~~~~~~~~~

i tot i shd post tis

2008-10-10T13:55:00.000-07:00

i m getting abit headache
somehow i been spending to much
so tis is purely reflection based>>:

first aim: study more la >practically tis entire 2 months i been playing and sleeping and going out
second aim: save up $$$ for cosplay plans
seriously as for tis i been stuck wif too mnai grpings>.<
first my main grp was DGM > i ald spent ard like $250 to get a lenalee first uni and now awaiting for my third uni adding up e wig and e boots = $350 lol <
then now i m decisive in joining which gp for next yr!!!
i be stuck between my own grp i tried to form in sgcafe but failed nt much interested parties tht is but somehow in sgclub btw in case u re interested
its shakugan no shana i dun mind if any of u join though i guess no one will lol
but then in sgcafe i expressed my interest in hayate no gotoku and also zombie loan
both of which have total different characters which means more $$$ needed
tinking of selling my own uni for it but i cant bear to
darnit >.< and i m ald confirmed wif clannad photoshoot
now i m gonna die siah
haiz then my dream cosplay as a guy has nt been fufiled
for tht i was tinking of vampire knight but then my budget has been tight
argh fainted :(
third aim: find another job
seriously for tis it has been hard nt much jobs out there re suitable for mi
i dun mind F and B its juz tht most dun have flexible timings
died>.<
lol plus my own interest in anime clothings now i m broke

sth interesting

2008-10-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

tis is a quiz i took
and my results as follo:
Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

too bad onli 80% true but thts better than 0% rite

try it out yrself
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

HI

2008-10-08T12:52:00.000-07:00

freaking bored here

7th chapter: The way to find it all

2008-09-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

haha i continue cos now nth to do
lol enjoy

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Your real parents? I see. Even though I knew where my parents were, I rather not find them now at this time of instability. Moreover if they were to see me in this state, I wonder what their reaction would be... ..." I closed my eyes and looked down thinking about the happy times with my family. Slowly tears just rolled down by itself.

"Now there there, you looked so awful when you cry." Tomoya-san patted me on my head. I looked up. He should have been the same age as me or maybe older. I hesitated to ask. Instead I brushed his hair and smiled. "You really never change much,Tomoya-san. Are you that anxious to find your real parents? It's ok if you don't want to answer."

"Haha, does that mean I look young? I just wanted to know who are my real parents and why they abandon me. I just wanted to know......"

"I see so you suspect they are working in H.P Co.? And I had meant to ask you this ever since you gave me this. What does THE DOGS represent?" I held up my necklace.

"It represents my birth. See THE DOG?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

i m stuck again so pause lol......

i felt...

2008-09-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

kinda empty
seriously i been feeling tis way ever since schl hols start
now i keep tinking did i choose correctly?
to walk tis path
i keep tinking over and over again
it felt so overpowering i feel like giving up all

i checked ...
even if i come out of poly in end
i cld onli work as a vet assitant or even
alower position
i noe i cant fight for scholarships tis time round
all i can do is do my best >.<
i wonder shd i have chosen JC in e 1st place?

i cant rmb wat motivation i had in e first place
tht pushes mi tis far
i start to forget wat is my initial reason for
coming to poly
its e same for my anime maddness

i somehow cant rmb how or who get mi started
and wat kept mi glued
i cant rmb these .... memories tht once i called precious

all i can rmb re these wasteful daes
in front of my damn com and shopping wif frenz
wasting my $$ tht i earned frm giving tution
which is of no better

i been researching and fixing myself on cosplay
more often than i did in e past
maybe it was regret tht i didnt turn up for my own JCG a/M
but i tot tht i wld learn much more
frm others rather than frm my own CCA
lol

watched movie

2008-09-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

i rmb it is called boys over flower
typically b4 i started watching i felt bored
reason 1: there is an idiot beside mi poking mi at every kiss scene or funny ones
reason 2: i heard giggling everywhr
reason 3: unknown pple munching on crackers

lol first thing first i dun like any of e guys in e movie
i tink i rate it 2 for nice
then 3 for romantic

we went to EHUB to watch damnit so far
btw i m broke when i came back
cos i bought a botan, a present and a jacket which
i realise i cld use for cosplay but tht wld have to see how
i have nt seen any characters needing a black jacket
maybe shana but i nt cosplaying as her

argh wateva...
rmbing how yi bong stupidly play wif her little chick
chi chi chi
irritating
btw did i mention i saw tis clannad bk which cost $50
i wonder shd i buy?
but i ald bought DGM how???

THANKZ

2008-08-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

thank you to all those who wish mi a happy birthdae
some even gave mi presents....
some even went to e extend of buying a cake which actually touched mi e most
but as u all noe i m nt gd wif words
so ya... shrugs....

hehe btw i have e pic gotten frm popo
seriously look closely ...
some how ET AND YQ have closed their eyes omg.... faintz....
erm ya i wish tht i cld celebrate my birthdae on e dae itself
but since everyone is free 2dae so
ya i dun mind......
but i like to thankz specially e JCIANS who came 2dae
after all they have promos

even 4hrs is impt rite....
so ya warui...
haha btw i m be having a chalet in e nov or oct
hopefully nt too late... of cos....

new beginning

2008-07-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

ALL OF YOU HAHA WAN XIAN IN THE CENTER cant realli see john argh

cosplay

i always believe tht after bad things will have gd things
of cos nt everyone believe tht wateva it is
it was true for mi most of the time
i neva have a smooth sailing life nt a extremely troubled life
butyes up and down is bad eugh for mi
i mean wat more shd i say

thanks for turning up for faith4-1 outing
all credits go to yongqing after all she put in the most effort
for u guys out there
so do appreciate if nt i be the one to come after u !!!
though i tot i wld have regretted e choice of game
arcade there was horrible.... shd have gone to tm or bugis

btw i have some photos for cosfest and yes outing... though nt much
CRAP I SHD HAVE TAKEN MORE
btw i decided to stop tht story for a while
probably will continue when i get a story line
or at least when i have more time thanks to studies tht even JC ppls dunno DAMN OBC!!
lucky tis blog nt open ti my classmates if nt i m dead
lol thanks for the support given by u readers out there

for now i gtg
i will write more when got time for now enjoy these pics

Faith 4-1 outing cum anyone

2008-06-23T03:02:00.000-07:00

OK DeCIDED FAITH 4-1 OUTING!!!
places suggested BY YONG QING!
1st choice: Breeks terminal 2 chngi airport.....
2nd choice: Sewsen anywhr....
3rd choice: Cafe Cartel marina sq or plaza sing
4th choice: Ajisen Ramen
5th choice: Sake sushi ( quite EX)
6th choice: Pizza hut
7th choice: Pastamania
8th choice: Burger King
9th choice: Fish Co.
10th choice: Teriyaki express
11th choice: ri ben chun
12th choice: yuki yaki marina sq
13th choice: Seoul garden
14th choice: Mushrm pot
15th choice: Long john silver
16th choice: Pepper lunch
17th choice: Mos burger
18th choice: Toastbox :)
19th choice: Food court :O
20th choice: MAC!
21st choice: COW's JR

LOL PLS Vote then sms mi if u can make it
its on sat 5th july timing will be 5.30p.m.
latecomers will be entertained by yong qing!!!~~~~
VOTING WILL END ON 2nd JULY 11.59p.m.
ALL VOTES WILL BE PRIVATE AND CONDIFIDENTIAL
YONG QING VOTE FOR ...........
I VOTE FOR SWESENS ...........

6th Chapter: the triangle

2008-06-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

WAHAHA as the title mentions its kinda obvious wat will happen nvm enjoy~~~

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"I didnt know you 2 were brothers. That would have meant the small boy I saw at the orphanage that time would be none other than Renji-san himself in chibi version that's all." I looked down. Renji-san Why What drove you to order your own brother to kill me? We were such great friends to be able to talk about anything at any timing be it when I am sad or you are sad. We were there for each other....

"What is this little frown on your face doing?" Tomoyo-san pushed my frown down to form a strange smile.... I didnt flinch. He gave a reassuring smile and continued, "My bro, he will be fine dont worry. You never worry about anything when you were young, princess!!!" ..... I smiled finally.

"So you still remember this rough princess like me? Haha! I thought you would have cleanly forgotten about me. I shall not beat about the bush. Why did you work for H.P Co.? You knew from your brother it was not a legal Co. at all!! So WHY?"

"What if I say it was to find my real parents?" Tomoyo had this wierd look on his face as if he were about to explode.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

WRITER BLOCK do give mi more time

BTW if anyone of u re interested there is an comic exhibition
on 28/29th June! YES SAT AND SUN!!!
frm 11-6? i dunno i mean the ending time...
oh yah i be most likely going on the 29th since my schedule wld nt allow mi to go on sat though i wanna go on sat cos FIRST 1000 pple there wld receive free limited toys
I WAN!!!! BUT CANOT SIANX !!! :P
oh ya if u wanna go leave mi a tag sms msn?i wonder haha
one more final thing
COSFEST IS COMING!!! WAY EXCITED SINCE
my sgcafe fren is setting up a booth i be there to support her
and i tink to take my VK costume and ties frm sgcafe pple again
fo tell mi if u wanna go its on 5 and 6 july SAT AND SUN!!!
SO COME COME COME

5th Chptr: WOKEN FROM

2008-06-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

"Wake up! WAKE UP!!!!!" I jolted awake and held my fist to his chin.

"Sorry I didnt notice it was you. Tomoyo-san. " Silence prevailed. "Why are you here? I thought you were free with a cosy family and " His hand covered my mouth and he pushed me down. WHAT !~

"Ha! I thought you were dead. As expected, you were unable to complete your mission. For that, you would have to face your punishment." A voice rang out. I recognised that voice. Instantly I wanted to jump out but his hand was still on my head. FIRMLY.

A gun shot was heard.

"Go back with this shot and say that my body was been exploded into pieces. Please do that. If not the next shot will be fatal.I ensure you." I heard Tomoyo's voice. He was shivering. I could feel it. Out of fear or hatred? I wonder.... Then another voice spoke.

"Fine! This I will tolerate. My BROTHER..."
WHAT HOW CAN IT BE THEY HAVE DIFFERENT SURNAMES!~~~~~

SUDDEN FLASHBACK
"I heard your brother is joining our Co. Where is he? I want to meet him so can see whether you 2 look alike? HAHAHA" I smirked.
"Nah You can't. He very shy type won't talk nor meet you."He argued.
"WHY!!! I WANNA SEE HIM!!!!!" I whacked him on his back.
"That's cos......" He mumbled off and had this expression I never seen before.

BACK TO THE PRESENT
OMG!!! They are brothers... I didn't bother at that time because I thought it might be true but in actual fact, kuto-kun was protecting him as what he has done for me. NO!!!! WHY WHY WHY is this happening?

I heard his footsteps faintly moving away.......
I cried. No It could not be. Why did he want my life? We WERE FRIENDS. FRIENDS ARE FOREVER!!!! ARGH!!!!! Tears fell off my chin. The grip on my head loosened. His chin touched mine.

"Don't cry. You are not alone anymore." He kissed me lightly on the cheek. I blushed. My instincts were lost at that moment. I hugged him and cried even louder.

OK END LIAO >>>><<<<< I MEAN THIS CHPTER LA HAHA TRICKED YA!!!
LOL LAME ROFL
btw i m ok now cos i been spamming on arcade
its a great way to lose my temper at....

4th chpter: the girl tied down

2008-06-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

THE DOGS?
What the heck is this? Not a company name? Not a name? Then what is it? I decided to leave it and carried tomoya-san gingerly. His breathing rate has dropped. ARGH I dashed and jumped out of the building, aiming for the right apportunity to land safely. If I chose the lift, I might get cornered. I ran like I never done before. My second hideout is old school which had been destroyed by some random companies.

I laughed. The sight of my old school gone into the depths of hell. I hid him under some rubble. I took out some painkillers and ate them while leaving a few to feed him. Water. Erm I took out my bottle and drank a bit before I use some of the water to feed the pills to him. He is still not responding. Haiz

I looked up at the skies. Planes flying everywhere. Haha if one of them crashed here, it would be the end for him and me. Since I was so tired I could not move. Never mind. I closed my eyes and fell into sleeping mode.

..... ...... ....... ...... ........ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ok since eunice says wan mi to write bout myself
i shd have said wat i m doing nowadaes
i m now relaxing and rotting btw onli except when i got CCAs then maybe nt la
but i m now being thrown into fear as time goes by sometimes sudden and scary
i m nt gonna cry and complain here since its personal

oh yah how is my studying probably hell bah cos i neva study and i probably fail ...
who the heck say poly no nid study pls go die....
erm tchers wise i tink i m fine i dun have any enemies yet in the tcher circle nor i m any one of their favourites
but i did made an enemy among my classmates ... i tink he made everyone else his enemy erm erm erm i wont day who nor y i dun c the reason to say so

haha btw i m seaching for the reason to live.......

3d chpter: the dogs

2008-06-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

I suddenly jerked. My legs brought me back where the body lay, I looked intensely. He shot me so why should I bother about him? But my hands ... They reached out for him and into his pocket where his a piece of card dropped out. BADUMP ... Wat the... That card. It's H.P card. The same company as me. I smirked. That CRAP building that I had never enter before.

I took up the card expecting to see a face or at least a name. Then it dawned on me. TOMOYO RENJI That name. WHAT!!!

BACK TO THE PAST
< "Tomoyo-san,come plat with me."
"Toru-san,don't run too far. I can't catch up."
"Tomoya-san, you are so slow!!! If you catch me, I will marry you. Hahaha"
"Then I must catch you. Wait for me, Toru-san!!!" >

BACK TO THE PRESENT
I flopped to the ground. It's him. Why? I thought he was adopted by a family with a better background. DARNIT! Then it striked me. I took out my necklace. I cried. My necklace is the only present I ever receive. It was given by him when he was about to leave me. I searched for his and pieced them together. A phrase was formed. THE DOGS....

2nd chpter: the forbidden truth

2008-06-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

"Hi! It's been long since I last saw you on TV no less." He smirked. I firmly held my gun to his head. "There is no need for you to do this unless you want your family meeting King hades. HAHAHAH........ ......." He continued. I smacked my gun right into his head and laughed."What the..."

"There is no need for you to lie to me. I knew they were dead long long time ago. Don't be stupid even if you hold them as hostage, I will still kill you. Don't worry, I promise it will be quick." CLICK... BANG..... My hand slipped and the gun fell to the ground. THUD Holding onto my hand, I quickly dashed towards the guy and grabbed him tightly, placing him as a shield. BANG BANG BANG .... The guy went limp and fell softly to the ground. At the same time I slid to my gun. I saw it. A sniper gun from the edge of the door.

BANG BANG An exchange of shots missed each other. DAMN Who the hell is it? I looked around for an escape route and found none which meant I have to take down that person at the door. Silence . . . . That guy who lay dead seemed to be useful. Erm Maybe I should. That was when I made a sudden move.I grabbed him and threw him at the door hoping that it would distract the person at the door then I jumped behind. Hoping to be hidden, I aimed and took a fast shot. BANG The person clutched his chest and stuggled to bring his gun to an aim. I knocked it aside.

Lightning flashed. I first saw an undaunted face. I turned away in a daze and walked away. BANG I felt it. A sharp piercing pain though my chest. I didnt even turn back. I just moved off. It may had been foolish but for the first time I felt it was stupid to continue this killing depite having no grudge against each other. DRIP DRIP DRIP My blood dripping made me feel like sleeping. That was when I thought of that person. HE looked famaliar. Who the hell is he? ....

THIS IS THE most confusing chpter dun worri the 3rd chpter will clear it up

NEW blogstory

2008-05-11T09:32:00.001-07:00

i m tinking of starting one

I am always main character easier to start off la

there goes

The world has ended where countries are always against each other. There is no peace nor warmth left. The world is dead. I looked up. Again I saw planes flying past bombing each other furiously. What was left in the end was one up there and one on the ground.

What has this world come to?

I closed my eyes. I remembered it started way back around when I joined HP Co. where I became one of the protector of very important people. It was a job I hate but it earned me lots more compared to my ambition. I realised the stupidity of chasing my ambition that would not have supported my family at all.

I smiled. Does that matter now? This world no longer has any balance. Whoever has the weapon wins. Whoever is stronger. I clutched my arm. Blood was gushing out yet there was no pain. HA! It's just a slash from that guy who was stupid enough to challenge me. I walked back home.

Home.

Nothing within. Why should I even stay? It's the best hideout for such a person like me. A wanted person because of my ablilities to kill without any feelings. My family has betrayed me and left for a safer haven leaving me behind as a windscreen.

SLAM! I turned back aiming for the head. "You! What are you doing here? No, wait, how did you know I am here? "I glared at him.

okies thts first chpter dun get it continue reading the next will come in another week
so be patient la .... btw i m emo for past few daes is personal
nth to do wif u all so dun worri for mi
lol i been quite fed up but i m bearing it all
I HOPE ....

sick of wateva

2008-04-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

now i m damn freaking tired
sorri if i get pissed and become nutz
i m troubled
no its nt over BOYS
but over my family

i suggest u dun ask
cos i dunno too wat is going on?
I M SO UPSET I CANT CRY
if i do i be even weaker i cant but i dunno wat to do
im so helpless wat i do now i m like a zombie w/o soul

my world is breaking down
i felt liek as if my hear tis been torn to pieces
and then as when hope is back
it is gone like a wind
i m IN A MESS

i walk frm home to schl
and then back to a place whr i no longer call home
i dun feel lyke going back
i decided to go back as late as possible
i do anything to avoid tht void space
which has nth but despair
to leave things as it is i m escaping non stop
no matter wat

nth is true

2008-04-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

DAMNIT the truth is tht i hate my CLASS
sorri if u re one of them
cos i dunno it juz felt so DAMN freaking out of reach
i ju felt so suffocating
int tis class full of unknown

I DUNNO BUT I FELT LIKE JUZ ESCAPING FRM ALL TIS
running endlessly away frm the fact tht i m no longer
wif the frenz closer to mi
i m so helpless i cried in hope tht all will be over
after 3 yrs
tht even if i dunno my class well nvm
i still have CDS and more importatnly CCA

i m running again frm them
I CANT HELP BUT STARE into the open sea of UNKNOWN
everytime i m in class
I HATE IT I HATE TIS FEELING!!!
DAMNIT I WANNA GET OUT!!!!~~~~

the onli soothing fact is tht i have frenz still wif mi in TP
chi chi still go out wif mi
plus et will still come and plae DJ max wif mi
and also chat bout harvest moon
NTH will separate us
I HOPE NTH.......

woots

2008-04-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

nth to say juz post for fun

PICS

2008-04-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

yes yes finally got them frm accion blog
if u re interested the link is www.accionbang.blogspot.com
yah its my FOC grp
THEY RE SO ENTHU compared to current ASC grp

aob aob
oh yah the songs there re nice too
hehe i m always listening to theirs
the pics here u go

continue

2008-04-14T05:21:00.000-07:00

yah wrong spelling for the guy
Eric chinese name shd be Ze Sheng
i sux at chinese sorri la
anyway i will try to find his photos and mr loh ones

bah oh yah the camp was abit of like sec 3
abig difference wld be the crowd involved
there re more enthu pple
u wont see the same pple more than 3X up there
but i tink in sec 3 its the same all the time

lol faintz ..

BACK frm camp

2008-04-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

I M SUFFERing a bit though
MORE LIKE ALOT no dun worri i didnt injure myself
but then i sustained lots of rashes
u will understand if u suffer

TP camp FOC rox!!!
ecept for tht part above dots
tp MASS DANCE veri nice....
i get to dance wif a guy for 1st time
then Sarah 2nd time and A girl for 3rd time
lol quite fun regardless of whoeva i m dancing wif
but then i was dancing as a guy wif Sarah sob sob sob so diff.

cos i m too used to dancing as a girl
lol the guy veri nice 1st time lead mi often then
i always forget steps
diao
then we have JAM AND HOP
but nt in the dark cos lighting got problem
plus VC have to take photos VC stands for visual central

dancing was easy
cos i learn frm my DPA orientation for breakdance
OMG look at sarah reaction shocked
actually i wont dance if the crowd nt enthu
but my FOC crowd so enthu if cos must dance la
haha i cant believe it sarah can dance para para
but cant dance normal ones like follow the music

strange isnt it cos i m the other way round
sorri if tis post is too long
thts cos i got too mani things to talk bout tis FOC
to help i will continue on next post
pls await
BAH one more thing
I SAW TIS GUY our senior frm GM called zheng se
but now called as Eric look like my tutor MR loh
REALLI i kept confusing myself wheneva i see him

gamer

2008-04-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

i m becoming a gamer
as i m taking time off to plae final fantasy criss core
omg eng version of cos
i m still ctuck at genesis sword
DAMNIT its juz a sword and it has 230k hp wth

at first when i was talking to sarah i didnt realise i tot it was 23k
wat a big diff
damnit lah nvm tml i ask chi chi
to help mi finish it off
i tink i m no gamer still compared to her
she killed it and genesis after 7 tries
then the game hanged WTF

haha tinking of hang i was reminded of ET
when she said her harvest moon hang
lol when she won the dog race
though i won it and i m fine
YEAH top breeder i m proud of it

pls dun mind my typing error
cos i m typing under almost total darkness okie
dots its like 2.30 in the morning onli i m awake
i m doing sth illegal so canot say here
u wanna noe call mi la

haha JKJK anyway i m veri sad
when i saw zack being killed by his own pple
I WAS LIKE GO AND DIE ....
y re they doing tis
DAMN them ...
i was nearly crying when i saw how zack slowly died
and lost all his DMNW
especially the part wif arieth i was like sobbing away....

nth but silent

2008-04-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

lol i find my world getting dark
there is nth but the asame things going on
nth interesting
nth to motivate mi to move on
there is nth to let mi continue....

i dunno maybe cos i m too bored
my life seems to be following the same pattern
og waking,plaeing, eating,plaeing,eating,plaeing then slping
every damn dae is the same crap
i cant take it i feel like stopping all these

it has absolute nth to do wif whether when schl starts
will i feel diffirent i guess my ans is definite no
since i passed my DPA program
i felt totally empty damnit no one i can trust there

i m juz putting up a mask
a mask tht shows nth but fake smiles
and feelings
i wanna juz die and end tis pattern of living
nth is worth living .... i hate tis life.....

DAMN.....

i m still upset

2008-04-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

sorri if i alwauys complained down here
cos i realised i dun have luck tis is true ever since young
nth gd often happens to mi
try listing down ..... omg
wth

plus if sth bad happens, it will be piled up
these has happened 4X WTF
okie couting the gd things happening
also lesser than bad things
OMG>>>>>>>>>>>>>

i veri upset
veri sad

i veri sad

2008-04-01T05:27:00.000-07:00

lol damnit 2dae i lost my thumbdrive
i guess i dropped it
see la i damn suay de
sob sob sob 4gb leh gone juz like tht

damnit it costs mi around $100++
wth
lol sick of complaining then
i was like siah ..............
then i dun even noe whr or when i drop
omg omg omg
the price hurts and the data i lost inside
wat data?

pics of chalet and cosplae la OMG OMG OMG

WAH I VERI SAD...............
no one to help too since i cant ask sb give mi one
then i have no choice but to ask my mum
to buy mi 1 more
i tink i sure kena scolding lol......

WAT THE FK.........

long

2008-03-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

yah it has been quite long since i blogged
thts cos nth much happened
other than rotting at home and looking at my psp
i been nutz bout harvest moon
and my newest game kanon
haha

i guess i been awaiting for kanon
since its nt easy to dl tht game
okie lol'''''
tml i be meeting another seller to get my stuff
and pay for the incoming goods

waitng is a tortue wat do u noe???
haha
bye

too tired

2008-03-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

lol how re the pics i still have more
no i m nt uploading anymre waste my time
lol i nid to plae my new game i dled
hehe i m going for cross country
if u wan come along!!~~~~

bah sianx
still plaeing my psp i damn pro le
haha compared to last time

cycling at east coast

2008-03-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

lol im like so tired after i came back
im dog tired
talking bout dogs there were so mani there
oooh love them
hehe

dun wanna type le
juz post pics

nth much

2008-03-21T07:48:00.000-07:00

2dae is juz rotting rotting
and ROTTING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nth much to do cos i m like stuck at home
plaeng psp is fun

i m into fall liao so waiting for winter in harvest moon
managed to get djmax totally addicted hehe

2dae .

2008-03-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

it commences the ending of the DPA PP program
wat i tot wld be nth but juz a closure to all the tiring times
while tht might had be true i did nt expect myself to be so cold
to have nt felt as sad as i tot i wld be
maybe...

cos i tink the last moment i felt tis kind of sadness was when we took our o lvl result it was slight but resounding
it ate away the sanity i had when i was in schl last time
i felt so light and totally empty
i became outspoken and totally lost

if we aere in schl then we wld have been eating/studying
i always tot back and i start to tear
i miss the times i knew it will neva come back

no matter how much i done i be alone in the end
so 2dae the onli thing i was happi bout was tht i managed
to get djmax frm another frenz
cos we all got psp
then

we share games and info
haha
nvm thts all

my hope

2008-03-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

i always love to talk bout sadistic things
c'mon cos i m such a person
wateva it is i believe tht one dae
i wil be able to foget him and move on

currently as most pple noe my status is single
haha i wish to stsy like tht for life
unless i found another him which is almost impossible
so now i m juz satisfied wif my frenz around mi
be it girls or guys though i love to act like a guy

lolz......
happi news: my team found out tht re baby fries in the tank of fishes
happi is happi but here comes the bad news
if u noe guppy u will understand
yes they eat their own young omg!!!
i was like okie lets count 1.....2....
thts all??? harrrrr wth

leave tht alone we went to find the tcher in charge for some help
guess wat
he counted there were 4 in the early morning at 8
and we actually onli counted 2 around 10 in the morning
omg wtf
i was like gonna faint
and we cant do anything bout tht wat an irony

pics more interesting

2008-03-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

tht is eunice say mah so i might as well put up
2dae no schl so i went online
onli jie is online diao
okie pics as requested b4 i go watch anime.....

song

2008-03-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

i tot i change my song to blame it on mi by akon
fine i copied abe so wat
i tink its nice also
anyway y am i blogging so late

i juz dled clannad movie soundtrack
i haven been free to open the folder till now
i wan crying after i hear a few songs i dunno y
tears juz dropped it felt so painful

maybe i was affected by the movie thts y
other than tht i was feeling veri lonely as i was now the onli one awake
my bro has slept cos tml he has to go schl la
i no nid....
hehe

ths song strickes a deep cord
i try to find it then put up in my blog for u to listen
if nt ask mi i send u!!!~~~

too late

2008-03-17T04:34:00.000-07:00

i always find mysel in tis position
too late to apologise
my character somehow fits wif hiro frm fruits basket

if u got se then u noe hehe
wateva it is i m blogging once again cos i m more free
AND i got LOTS to post
haha first up!
do we nid to go schl to take our cert tht we complete our o lvls?
I HAVE RECEIVED MANY QNS ON TIS TOPIC
IF U RE SURE PLS TAG MI TY

next i wld like to talk bout sat
it was fun though onli 6 turned up
it doesnt feel like anyone is being left out
so i tot tht was great
but onli gather for 1 hr ltr we split up

sianx.... i sux at such things shd have made up my mind earlier on
lol but i will see wat i can do for next time
DAMN

next i tot i shd be talking bout matsuri
fun fun fun
i went wif sarah and her horde of frenz
HEHE
anyway then i met a few sellers at one go

bought back all the stufff SO NICE OMG
the photos i lazi to put up
cos no one interested so y bother?
okie i m tinking of changing songs
any anime u wanna hear ?

nth much to say

2008-03-12T03:21:00.000-07:00

nth much to blog bout??

veri hot-tempered

2008-03-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

i m refering to the mood nowadaes
i have nt much of a choice
cos things always go against mi
and its getting worse everydae

but i m trying desperately to coll myself down
by spending on anime and selling my stuff online
at least tht keeps mi distracted fmr my usual frustation
yah so im like soending a bomb currently
my house holds a total worth of $500 of anime and manga

i had to be truthful cos i believe
some manic mught have ald crossed over tht boundary
no joke
i have sg frenz who spend almost 1k on anime and manga every month
omg faintz....
wait till i work!!! formally tht is
haha

lol btw if i been bad at u pls do forgive mi
till i can recover
wld be on 20th probably
then i wld stop being a spender and a mad dog....

freaking frustating

2008-03-08T04:06:00.000-08:00

I m sick of tis pretending all the time
everytime i m like wearing tis mask tht hides my true self
it is so irritaing i dun feel like myself

WAERING A FAKE smile tht totally rejects the true feeling inside
i felt so FREAKING ANGRY FOR no DAMN reason
and then when i meet up wif my project mates
i feel even worse
will nt say y but if more in depth
must wait till i get sth like abe archive

anyone can help i cant find it on blogskin
and abe dun wanna help damn tht hamster
lol crush him and hear him squeak for help
erm erm erm great

Went out

2008-03-07T05:39:00.000-08:00

damn tired came back around 7 yup u heard tht rite
i went to alot of places first
pasir ris whr got fish farms
and then went all the way to bedok to find winston
then i didnt noe i alighted when he boarded my train
AHHHHH!!!

OMG
in the end we found each other on the train
so funny diao
then he wanted to buy a laptop
so i went wif him to IT show 2008
DAMN CROWDED
anyway we walked all the way to suntec city

then looked around
which is nr at all interesting
except tht i realised thumbdrive is getting cheaper
will buy one
or ask my mum to buy one i m nt bothered nor have any more $$$

wateva it is
i tink i will get one more to store psp games
haha will wanna exchange games if anyone of u if u have!!!
anyway continue frm the outing
we went to simlim tower whr winston bought a speaker ex okie
and freaking heavy

oh yah he introduce sour plum which is veri nice
YUM YUM i cldnt bear to finish it and nimble all the way
so its like winston finished within 3 mins
i finished within 30mins WAO
yah
haha quite ex too but damn worth siah

after tht we walked all the way through little india
whr we took a bus back
oh yah this outing is veri sudden
omg... yah then i was like WTF
oh yah tis blog will nt be accessible by DPA pple
i m tinking of putting a code whr u nid to type in a passs
nvm i will tell onli u !!! MY FRENZ

but i nid to noe how to first?
how ????

nth but

2008-03-06T07:45:00.000-08:00

i feel so empty nt again 4th time complaining the same crap
i feel so tired i wanna communicate
but found i cant
or i dun want
i bought psp baka hamster neva help mi in the end
so i tink i have to depend on sb else

who i still have to try
at least nt sb who ask mi go dl illegally
lol
crap siah he.... so evilllllll

i always wish tht time will stop
everything can trun back to the time
when u re beside mi
to the time when i can see u smile everydae
to the day when i enjoy listen to u teach

to the week whr we start studying and helping each other
regardless of wat
to the yr tht we re tgt wif laughter and tears

sianx

2008-03-05T05:47:00.000-08:00

a butterfly i caught when there is alot

in the chalet

a tree full of butterflies u cant believe yr eyes

the same cat tht enchanted mi!
fed up lol
doing tht damn project is nt tiring
but i realise tht tcher gave too much freedom
causing mi to be easily confused
maybe cos i m rigid
wateva it is

currently i feel veri timid in the way
tht i neva spoke unless necessary
i tink i being oppressed cos i dun have gd speaking skills
and the others kept speaking non stop

lol i m closing in slowly as time passes by
i feel so tired
so sad tht i start to wan my own frenz to accompany mi
so i keep asking them out
though i noe its selfish of mi
but i felt so alone cut off the world

I HATE THIS FEELING
no matter wat i do i juz can rub off tht feeling
i m like going to faintz any moment now
wat to do???
these photos-

haha

2008-03-04T02:38:00.000-08:00

47 words

Speedtest

re u faster than mi??

omg

2008-03-03T03:52:00.001-08:00

i dunno y
but my next project is to keep an aquarium successfully of cos
thts nt the pt
i was wondering whr is the fun??
haha anyway i m nt much bothered since its a grp work

and the tcher so relaxed
unitl we became lazy.......
i m wasting so much $$$
once i saw sth i like i cant help but buy!!!
nvm YQ if u eva come my blog,
i tot u shd check sgcafe merchadise under reisha -
she is doing a merchadise spree which has mani FB and TRC

quite reliable as for DAF pls check under tha same thread
but under sen chan he is selling some GUNDAM SEED pencilboard
erm erm erm
i buying too much things
probably have to save up
by nt eating haha

maybe???

happi

2008-03-01T08:39:00.000-08:00

erm 2dae i went to chalet/bbq
wateva u call it
i was tired frm travelling the red line to bukit gombak
i m nt stupid cos its faster to take the green line
i took the red line cos

i nid to meet sb at woodlands
nvm u nid nt noe 4 wat
anway i was too tired to move
after i was in the train
i felt nauseous sick and ....

then i reached bukit gombak i trot off
and waited for the others who came one after one....

mr loh came to drive us
i tot he changed his car
or maybe i have forgotten wateva it is
i was giddy due to the fact tht i been in the train too long
my bag is heavy due to 4 FB bks i brought along due to boredom

then we wen to chalet nice place
but damn uluu......
we wasted our time on bowling
which i tot was more of an experience
anyway ABE was damn gd cos i tink he plae b4
sianx....

XDXDXD
then i was enjoying time watching the adults plae poker
Mr phua as banker was initially losing $$$
but after a few rounds its nt as bad...
but anyway the set tht he got there quite coolz siah

then after they left
the kids took over
and i start them plaeing as a banker
we had quite alot of fun b4 being disrupted by mr loh
who wans to be banker

yah then we continued to plae b4 he suggested a new game
tht got us quite drunk
drinking of strong red wine
all of our faces turn quite red...
then we went back home leaving him to plae wif those
staying over

as time passes i realised tht i m spending too much money
i tink for the time being
i better stop spending after
reserving everything frm sgcafe....

GRATZ

2008-02-29T07:21:00.000-08:00

like to take the chance to congratz MR PHUA and MISS KOH
tot so ....

anyway 2dae was kinda fun
going out wif DPA pple watching the leap yrs
stars given: 3/5 watch quite nice but nt a must i wld say

the story plotline too fast abit touching
my frenz even cried onli one la
so i was like
haiz nt veri expected
but i got cheap offer $6 leh!!!

hehe
cos my frenz got GV card then offer
yah then went to comics connection spent $20++
got a gift bag in return cheapskate
i spent $12 on 4 diff metallic stickers

$4.90 for a FB notbook
$2 for lolipop hanger and $2.90 for EL lolipop hanger
then erm yah thts all and i m like broke for now...
diao

tml

2008-02-28T07:59:00.000-08:00

i tot i shd blog bout sth
so my topic is tml
cos anyway for mi tml will be kinda fun
i m gonna meet DPA pple at 12 for lunch
then watch movie at 2.45
though i have told myself tht i might nt be able

meet el in time at city hall at 5.30
praying tht she will be late JKJK
anyway guess wat i m gonna watch
HANDS down its leap yrs!!

my first reaction : Spore movie sux...
i tot i shdnt go watch but maybe nt since
i been quite a big fan of slping in movie theatre
so tml was also my tution tcher wedding dae
CONGRATZ....
though i noe she neva come online

nah i m nt gonna congratz the male tcher
cos DAMNIT i realise he's gonna save on the wedding anniversary sorri if i spelt it wrong
wateva it is, y marry tml !! AHHHHH

then i realise thts cos whr they nid to sign the papers re fully booked on other daes
omg......
diao myself
then i slowly realised tht marriage is so ma fan
love is much more simpler
haha

so looking fmw to tml!!!!

done cos KK done it

2008-02-26T08:30:00.000-08:00

What is your strongest emotion? Your Result: Love/Happiness It appears love and peace and prosperity is your strongest emotion. You want everyone to be just as happy as you don't want anyone hurt and will do anything to make everyone smile
Sadness
Greed
Jealousy
Hate/Anger
Guilt/Regret
Fear
Lust/Attention Whore
What is your strongest emotion? Create MySpace Quizzes

seriously i dunno how true
cos i rmb my first time liking a guy was being rejected wif tht look
tht was in pri 1 may i remnind u tht i m a veri straight fwd person
if i like sb i juz say
so there goes i neva believe in LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT tht is total crap....
KK got saddness i wonder whether tis works???

sad

2008-02-26T07:43:00.001-08:00

sometimes when i m alone staring into the space
i eva felt tht tingling saddness lingering
y is there tis pain so silent
tht it kills and

i slowly was engulfed in tht darkness
i was trying to escape
i tot tht frenz will be there all of a sudden
they vanished
BANG
i woke up frm my dreamy state
CRAP i dozed off

whr am i?
in the class having a break
noise lvl was high and all came frm chatter and laughter
i was in none of it
i closed my eyes peace.....
listening to my mp3
i realised my hearing had deteriated i tink i shd stop listening for now

i took out
and i slept again...
YOH DUN U DARE SLP
ahhh sorri i snapped up wif the tcher smiling and saying "tired?"
i nodded.... smiling sheepishly...

played alot of games realised sudition is still better than step mania
but maple is still the best
though i cantdl now....

yoh!!!

2008-02-26T04:46:00.000-08:00

okie some how dunno wat kind of thing happened
and i start to catch up on tis sling YOH!!!
so wheneva u call mi or i call u >which happens most of the time<
i will start wif YOH ET>>>????
then she will say wat>>>i working la....
then i will be like erm erm erm blahblahblah
haha

anyway i returned home late
DAMNIT
reason being y i didnt open my blog to DPA frenz
cos i m complaining so pls dun tell them TY
okie i was like ahh 6 can home le
then all of a sudden they wanna take a class photo
immediiately i say i gtg rush back urgently

one of my grp mmebers seem to nt have believed mi
but i didnt bother
and juz dash put of the class
the onli thing i regreted then
was tht i didnt take the photo of the tcher
he is veri funny nt handsome but he reminds mi abit of MR kelvin tay
cos they re both veri family guy

hope tht i find someone like tht tooo
which i tink the guys in our class has failed to be like
haha
i went back home tinking tht i shd have taken a pic wif tht tcher
AHHH TOTAL REGRET
but i was still hesistant bout taking photo
wif such a large crowd > P.S-i was wearing formal 2dae < sorri nt skirt though
hehehehehehe

i ran into Zain at the bus stop >he is my guide in the beginning-juz had his exam
hi! hi!
then i was like cant hear him cos of my mp3
then i realised and replied
he asked which schl re u frm?
I replied SCHL of applied science
he said orh ...... and wat i wanna highlighted the most
DO U NOE THT IF U RE IN APPLIED SCIENCE OR IT
U NID TO FUTHUR STUDIES IN ORDER TO BE IN A BETTER POSITION FOR WORK??

i was like omg.... sianx...
but thts the route i planned all along so i asked
HOW CAN I GO FOREIGN UNI?
he was nt sure but said the schl will help
if u score gd ...
then my bus came 69......

when i came home i started on audition
YH play wif mi leh??
when u online or i online then
play tgt more fun i lvl 2 onli
nvm u donate $$$ to mi okie!!! haha

lol thought of

2008-02-25T00:12:00.000-08:00

cos anyway i m like damn free now
thts cos i m resting b4 ltr
i go bathe plus
erm erm erm

do my script then i m finished
yah so happy cos i finally get to break non stop
wait till next mon i will be like busi again
haiz
i m going to spend $125 on 25 random DGM charmate
haiz there goes my plan for air show steamboat cosplay stuff
and haiz any presents for frenz
i m likely to get TIBITS for u instead

SAD SAD SAD
lol no choice somemore i go byu tamagotchi ver 4
become totally broke lol
hehe so dun expect to buy anything ex lol

diao

sianx

2008-02-22T04:41:00.000-08:00

tot tht snce got time might as well do tis
i be uploading photos haiz

lol

2008-02-22T04:04:00.000-08:00

i juz bought a new tamagotchi version 4
lol damn hard to take care
soemtimes slp le hor
then will wake up 1hr latr
and i m like wat the ....
faintz tamagotchi ver 3 now i m playing

slp at 10 de and i noe
but ltr if it gonna leave its child so pitiful
haha
jkjk
now i m like OMG....
anyway if u wan u can make frenz wif my tamagotchi
veri friendly de ne

lol HAPPY BIRTHDAE CHI CHI
MUACKS no one other than mi can kiss u heh GD doggie
hehe....

finally

2008-02-21T04:53:00.000-08:00

okie i finally got a chance to type a post
wihtout feeling any regret or watsoeva
anyway i m currenlty searching for dl of adobe photoshop cs3
dun worry i have crack le
my frenz rodrick in DPA pass mi his crack

by the way i m enjoying the company of DPA
i tink its so different frm wat i tot
i rmb feeling damn anxious and abt inferior
cos they wear super nice la
still i m nt realli bothered
i wore OP tshirt and sometimes better like jacket?

yah i tink its a big headache tinking of wat to wear the next dae
many also share the same view
seriously i rather spend the moolahs on anime
than clothes afterall u grow out of them
or when u cant use u juz throw
a practical WASTE...

nah TP afterall does nt seem veri big
cos i neva get lost le
IF U COMING TP i be yr guide hehe
alot of CCAs -? wat i wanna join-? nt decided haha

TP got a few things tht is special which i tink i shd share
they have CDS-cross displinary subs
the ones tht i m doing now they have alot
but wat i took on was JAP AND POC
plus by completing i dunno wat
u can get extra certificate
but be mindful whether u have time to deal

cos we too have our full time courses
yah yah yah we can meet up during our breaks when schl start
SPORE won the youth 2010 olypmic wateva....

short

2008-02-19T05:34:00.000-08:00

okie juz a short blog i m typing super fast
so pls condone mi if i got any mistakes k?
anyway the reaon y i open tis blog to onli frenz
and nt yet to those in DPA
is cos i feel abit erm erm

lol wateva it is i seem to slowly enjoy the company of the DPA batch
cos they were so much fun i start to throw away the old me
and wanna restart all over....
once more will i be given a chance

bah 2dae i noe u receive yr results le
i have nth much to comment other than
if u get into yr dream course GREAT work hard at it
IF U DONT RMB u onli got a chance at living
y nt live it to yr best!!!
yah thts alll for now.......

yo!

2008-02-18T04:40:00.000-08:00

all tution mates pls note:
meeting place on 1st march will be at 4 or 6 pm at gombak stn
MR PHUA has agreed to give transport onli at these 2 timings at the place
if ealier pls arrange wif him!!!
if dun have his no. pls contact mi and yes passs on tis msg to all
under him thx!!!
one more thing pls bring yr own $$$ in case yr expenditure ....
to....
ABE
POPO
JOHN
COLIN
CLEMENT
CHENG HUI
DAWN
JOEY
MELVIN
JAYRELL >nt sure how to spell<
pls take not ty thts all i m sianx liao

updated

2008-02-12T07:59:00.000-08:00

2dae no time will do so tml pai seh

quite fed up!

2008-02-11T06:30:00.001-08:00

haiz stress slowly building up!
damn the work plus project given
i m like tied up
between shd i finsih first then
watch anime or manga
i m like sick of all tis shit!

thts y i realli wanna let out my frustation
by having dinner wif all of u
but u all cant make it except for ET
ET is so gd though she is busi wif work
she always makes a pt to come out if can!

lol!

anyway i m still doing my journal
2dae my presentation was a total failure
I cld see tht Jap tcher frowning away
FUCK must be my fault!

sianx totally somemore
i was like so upset
am i tht useless? i tot at least i was ...

then i have to do roleplay wif my members
i tink thts the onli thing i was thankful for
my members re a happy funny bunch!
yah so re the other grp members

plus i get to play wif garage band again
after the last time i touched it in IT club
i learnt much more!
thts all
tml i look forward to seeing daf!

woke up

2008-02-09T23:12:00.000-08:00

damnit i woke up late again
then tml have to go schl sure veri hard to wake up liao
sux!

totally in a bad mood
after getting scolded by my mum
for being lazy
yah yah yah
then waste $$$ she says tht all the time

but at least i work for all these
lol and somemore my pay for toastbox is nt given to mi
it was being placed into tht STUPID safe box
DAMN!

so now i currently onli have $50 for using
after yesterdae $20
plus on tues i getting more presents
AHH BROKE!!!

MINAAA-SAN
PLS COME FOR DINNER AT 5 in bugis pastamania on thurs
will be looking forward to seeing all of u!
pls sms mi if u can make it
:: hope to gether a crowd ::
COS U ALL NEVA TURN UP FOR CNY!!!
so punishment all must turn up for tis
MUAHAHAH!